My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
