Christians are straight up FREAKS
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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