Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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