..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
