what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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