Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
