If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
