Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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