He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
