so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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