32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
