The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
