I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
