If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
