I wish I could teleport
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
