I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize