Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
either way he was missing a nipple.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
