he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
