it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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