The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
