sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
