my phone needs a breathalizer
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
