I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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