I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
