you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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