i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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