i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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