Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
