What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
