We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
