weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
