I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
