Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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