Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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