I'm gonna have a badass scar
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
