apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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