i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
