do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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