remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
