I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
