dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
