My first STD was from a foam party
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
