i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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