he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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