oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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