I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
the liver wants what the liver wants
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
