took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
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