I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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