thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize