i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize