He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
