anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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