not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
