OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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