so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
