these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize