also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
