she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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