please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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