Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
