Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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