Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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