We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
