I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
