Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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