your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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