i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize