dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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