She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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