This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
